Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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