What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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