so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
