you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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