A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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