There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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