How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
