i need an iv and a liver transplant
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
