Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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