Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
