I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
