Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
