Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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