Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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