I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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