On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
