are you still at the devil's house?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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