I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I party with great urgency now.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
