I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
