My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
