Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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