Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
