My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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