Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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