My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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