Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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