Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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