big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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