I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
