I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
