Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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