Just mADE A PArabola og urine
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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