I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
