im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
