can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
