my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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