She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
