I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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