When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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