She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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