bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
