In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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