Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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