How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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