I feel like I'm in dance class right now
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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