I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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