so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm just crazy horny about you
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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