so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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