I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
