If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
