I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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