nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
