if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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